If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
