It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
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I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
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You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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