Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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