I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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