I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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