Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The struggles of a small town man whore
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
