I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
