but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
