It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
