As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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