"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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