oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
zippers are such a cool invention
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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