Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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