That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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