she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Rumble strips road head = magical
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
