Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
