on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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