Where did you get a picture of my penis
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
