sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Damn victory sex feels great
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
