So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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