i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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