I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
