how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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