I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
