After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
