The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
only you would photoshop your dick
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
