I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
