If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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