Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I forget how to act sober
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
