Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
