Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
