I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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