There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just high enough for therapy.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
