At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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