Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
