i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
