i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
