I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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