Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
