I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
