I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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