i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
