She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
