I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I puked a lego.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Green mimosas i think yes
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize