hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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