he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
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I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
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Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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