yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
