I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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