Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
