I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
