out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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