He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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