I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
