We're like a lot better than the average bears
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
