Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
