I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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