i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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