I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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