Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
