My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
