I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
