I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
