if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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