1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
