just come out here and I will go home with you...
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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