butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
