the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He did a backflip because drugs
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
