I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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