She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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