we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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