Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I AM VODKA MAN
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
