And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
