you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
