I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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