Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
