I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
