You don't have asthma, your pregnant
too bad you live with your parents still
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
