So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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