you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
