dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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