she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I have post one night stand depression
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
