so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
