I cockslap morals
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
