my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize