During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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