based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
