It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
