I'm going to jail i love you
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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